The Department - A Crowd-Written Story
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Pet departments always had that same smell, that mixture of dog biscuits, rabbit droppings and fish food; even this one, which didn't even have any live animals. And why was fish food made from fish? She imagined walking through the food department browsing 'Arm Flakes with Extra Fingernails' and 'Human Brain Sticks for a Shinier Coat'.
Naomi looked down at her clean shirt and pressed trousers, wondering if she could get another day's wear out of them. Perhaps she could have stretched the trousers until the end of the week, if she hadn't come into this shop. She felt unclean just walking through the doors.
From her science lessons back in school she remembered that 'All smells are particulate'. This meant that if her clothes smelt of rabbit droppings, it was because they had a microscopic coating of that actual substance on the surface. Home was just around the corner. Perhaps she had time to quickly shower and change before she met her friend for dinner later.
When she walked (naked) into the shower, Naomi saw some spiders 🕷 crawling around in the tray. "Hmmm" she thought to herself, "they will make a nice addition to the casserole we are having later on" So, throwing caution to the wind, she gathered the spiders up, dashed downstairs and put them into the casserole and started to go back upstairs to get dressed when the doorbell rang.
No one ever thought that Naomi was naive but not thinking straight, she she shouted out "Who is it?" Came the inevitable reply "Blind man". Naomi heaved a huge sigh of relief and opened the door.
"Wow" said the blind man, " nice boobs. Now where do you want me to fit this blind?" As you can imagine, Naomi was bright red and stammered out "In the conservatory please" and the dashed upstairs to get dressed and compose herself. On her way back downstairs, she noticed a familiar smell - it was rabbit droppings.
As she reached the bottom of the stairs she saw that the man had rabbit droppings in his hand. That accounted for the smell but not for the man's strange behaviour. "I am being very rude" he said "My name is Noah and I couldn't help but notice the rabbit hutch outside the conservatory. I keep rabbits myself so I went outside to have a look. The hutch needed a clean out so I took out all the droppings and was looking round for somewhere to put them"
Naomi was somewhat taken aback but soon recovered her poise. "Don't worry about it" she said, We'll go into the kitchen, give the droppings a wash and put them into the casserole. After all, they are only vegetable waste"
Now it was Noah's turn to look baffled. "Don't worry" said Naomi, "they add a wonderful flavour to the dish". She cast a sideways glances at Noah and thought to herself what a handsome looking man he was. Quickly, and without really thinking about it , she added "and beside which they make you very randy.....". She immediately put her hand to her mouth and asked herself why on earth she even said that. No one at the pet shop where she worked had ever mentioned it although they had heard that cowboys in the Wild West drank rabbit poo tea to cure a hangover. No mention though of dunking dog biscuits in tea.
As you can imagine, Naomi was bright read in the face whilst Noah pretended he hadn't heard what she had said.
Strangely enough the droppings did add a certain piquancy to the casserole but neither of them felt the least bit randy. "Maybe we should open some wine" suggested Naomi, "do you prefer red or white." "Red please but not too much as I am driving" replied Noah. He wished though that she had offered him brandy because, as the saying goes, brandy makes you randy and something told him that if he played his cards right he might score later on.