The Department - A Crowd-Written Story

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The Story

Pet departments always had that same smell, that mixture of dog biscuits, rabbit droppings and fish food; even this one, which didn't even have any live animals. And why was fish food made from fish? She imagined walking through the food department browsing 'Arm Flakes with Extra Fingernails' and 'Human Brain Sticks for a Shinier Coat'.

Naomi looked down at her clean shirt and pressed trousers, wondering if she could get another day's wear out of them. Perhaps she could have stretched the trousers until the end of the week, if she hadn't come into this shop. She felt unclean just walking through the doors.

From her science lessons back in school she remembered that 'All smells are particulate'. This meant that if her clothes smelt of rabbit droppings, it was because they had a microscopic coating of that actual substance on the surface. Home was just around the corner. Perhaps she had time to quickly shower and change before she met her friend for dinner later.

When she walked (naked) into the shower, Naomi saw some spiders 🕷 crawling around in the tray. "Hmmm" she thought to herself, "they will make a nice addition to the casserole we are having later on" So, throwing caution to the wind, she gathered the spiders up, dashed downstairs and put them into the casserole and started to go back upstairs to get dressed when the doorbell rang.

No one ever thought that Naomi was naive but not thinking straight, she she shouted out "Who is it?" Came the inevitable reply "Blind man". Naomi heaved a huge sigh of relief and opened the door.

"Wow" said the blind man, " nice boobs, nice f*nny. Now where do you want me to fit this blind?" As you can imagine, Naomi was bright red and stammered out "In the conservatory please" and the dashed upstairs to get dressed and compose herself. On her way back downstairs, she noticed a familiar smell - it was rabbit droppings.

Page Main Contributors

Rosen Trevithick
Rosen Trevithick
Ian Clerehugh

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