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18/10/2017
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all gone wrong - the title wasn't in the drop down.


Diane M Dickson on 08.08.2017 13:09
Diane M Dickson

I thought this was great. Build up of tension and frustration was really well done. I wonder though if instead of the last line it would have worked with him either suddenly realising it was him - because he was in such a fug he hand't realised. Or to change the tone of it altogether - just have the sounds of a crash


onetruekev on 09.08.2017 11:18
onetruekev

Title might not have been in the drop down because it was scheduled for a future date.

I had thought of other endings, but was trying to give the impression he knew what he was doing and wanted it all to end.


Diane M Dickson on 09.08.2017 11:39
Diane M Dickson

I see - poor man he had certainly been through it. Maybe he could just have said 'Goodbye I love you" but there that is just my idea, it was your drabble and I thought it was very well done.


onetruekev on 09.08.2017 13:17
onetruekev

Cheers


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